Why won’t the voices shut up?

Instead of you make mistakes, you ARE a mistake. Instead of messing up a few times or even a lot of the time, you mess up ALL the time. You accidently offended one person and now EVERYONE is mad at you and talking about you behind your back. Things didn’t work out once or twice, so now NOTHING is going to work out ever. Those are the thoughts that keep marching through my brain constantly.  I replay every action and conversation I had over and over. I don’t critique things just once to learn from it. I critique myself a gazillion times, beating myself up that I can’t go back in time and change it. And most of the things I want to go back and change probably nobody even cares about. I try to drown out the voices with schoolwork, exercise, music, books, movies, or chocolate. Nothing works though. They just get louder or come back when I finish whatever I am doing. Why can’t they go away? Why can’t things playback once for the learning aspect and be filed away forever? And then at the same time as wanting this, I feel guilty if I’m not berating myself because I messed up and so deserve to be in a puddle on the floor.

When treating an infection you don’t just try to bring down the fever or take cough suppressants to get rid of the cough. If you can treat the infection directly with an antibiotic or antiviral, that’s what you do. You treat it right at the source.

Yet with my thought patterns I just try to treat the symptoms. I distract myself.  I let the thoughts stamp angrily across my mind while timidly whispering to myself that what they say isn’t true.

They need to stopped at the source. The thoughts are just the symptoms. The real problem is the unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart toward . . . myself.

I need to forgive myself. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes some of which will effect nobody and others will. And that is okay as long as I do what I can to make things right. I have to move on.

I don’t need to feel guilty for not beating myself up. Jesus felt guilty and took the punishment for my mistakes. There’s nothing left to pay.

I’m not a mistake, I don’t mess up all the time, not everyone is mad at me, and not everything is going to turn out horribly.

I was perfectly designed by the Creator for a specific task. I do some things right. Some people like me. Some things turn out right. And I can look forward to eternity where those “some’s” will turn into “all’s”.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139: 13

“Because you are precious in My eyes,and honored, and I love you.” – Isaiah 43:4

“To grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” – Isaiah 61:3

“The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1

“Take every thought captive to obey Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 10:5

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8